The primary purpose of this article is to encourage you to think about the larger 'system' or context within which a business proposal is required to operate and will be especially useful for those who wish to increase their confidence in selling their services into the business community. In particular, it will suggest that you ...

• Consider the mind-sets you have in relation to that particular client or potential client.

• Start at the end by defining the desired outcome.

• Be sensitive to feedback at all levels, verbal and non-verbal, behaviour and beliefs levels.

• Increase your choices and sense of control through becoming even more flexible in your own thinking.

It will also demonstrate how easily NLP can be used in everyday business contexts without any imposition of the jargon that has sometimes upset and mystified potential clients in the past.

Selling, personal coaching and mentoring, negotiations of all kinds and conflict resolutions at individual, group and cultural levels are complex, constantly shifting systems. Despite this, many books have been written that take the underlying structures, principles and concepts of negotiating and attempt to simplify them to apply to, for example, every sales situation. Most people will have had at least some exposure to ...

• The 'Six Steps to the Call'.

• The 'Seven Steps to the Call'.

• The 'Who Knows how many Steps to the Call' system.

I challenge the assumption that any dynamic set of relationships such as those required when making a significant business proposal can be subject to simplification to that level. Instead let's consider the larger "space" within which the discussions are held and the relationships that exist between the various contributors. We will review the mental approach of the different parties and experiment with how you can become more in control of what is happening, and therefore have more choice of subsequent action. How you can begin to influence through your non-verbal behaviour as well as using your more direct skills.

With tongue firmly in cheek, and at the risk of oversimplification given what I've said in the earlier paragraph, this piece suggests taking two core elements, awareness and accountability, and using them as a filter to understand the complexity of the different types of negotiations and sales propositions. Awareness can start as soon as the opportunity to make a bid for a piece of work begins:

• What thoughts immediately run through your mind?

• How does it support or challenge your sense of inner confidence?

• How does the opportunity fit with your sense of personal mission and purpose?

• What do you know about the person or organisation that you will need to influence?

• How does any history or future expectation colour how you approach the opportunity?

• What is your desired outcome? And your understanding of theirs?

These questions will raise your awareness. The second element is to determine what you can be accountable for, given that you cannot actually make the other person buy your particular offer. You can of course be accountable for your own state of mind and it is therefore crucial to align that before proceeding too far with the preparation of the final approach to the client.

For a moment bring to mind a client that you like or genuinely respect. How do you represent them in your mind?

• In your mind's eye is the image moving, or is it still?

• Is it in colour, or black and white?

• Is there a tonal quality to the thoughts?

As readers will know, we each have a unique way of storing these pictures and this will influence how we feel about them, and therefore on how we behave towards them. To demonstrate these effects now think about a client or prospect that you do not like or do not respect. How is this image held? Moving or still, black and white or colour etc. If you do this exercise in full you know there will be some distinctions between the sets of imagery and the sounds. Once you have defined the two images you will notice the differences between them. If one image is small and the other "life-size" you could experiment by making the one that has been "difficult" the same size as the other picture. What happens, if anything?

• If your feeling towards them gets better you could choose to store their image this way, and will notice how the relationship (or its potential) begins to improve from that moment on.

• If the feeling towards them gets worse you can put it back as it was or even take it the other way.

• If nothing happens, i.e. your feeling remains the same, just put the image back to its original state again and then change another of the variable characteristics.

If you check each of the differences one at a time, always starting from the same opening image (i.e. the "difficult" one, in its original form) you will find one or two changes that make a significant difference to your perception of them. Operating from the belief that the mind and body are inextricably linked you will now begin to notice that your actual relationship with them will improve from the next meeting on. You may be unaware that your behaviour has even changed, the change itself can be exceptionally subtle, but the other party will respond to this at an unconscious level. Change one part of the 'system' and the system itself then changes. Paul Watzlawick captured this over 30 years ago in his phrase "It is impossible to not communicate"1 This also has direct consequences on our levels of frustration and general well being. You might like to review your own list of clients and contacts, or personal relationships for that matter, and just consider how you are carrying them in your mind. You now have choice about how you relate to them from this moment on. It is now appropriate to consider the meeting itself.

Before you attend any significant sales meeting, can you imagine what the ideal result would be? What level of detail can you go to? You will know from your own experience tells me that the more able we are to create awareness of what the ideal result would be, the more likely we are to achieve it. This does however require a little more explanation as there will also, I believe, be occasions where the goal or output required has not been that clear, and yet has still been achieved. In these cases people often say "well I just had a feeling that it would work" or "it just seemed the right thing to do." In these examples it may be that we are simply accessing different internal strategies for how we know to take a particular decision or approach. This can be as simple as having a strong "Moving Away From" motivation direction.

In general, if you are not at a level of commitment that feels in some way compelling, take some time for thought before you get anywhere near the actual situation. Ask yourself some very specific questions:

What do I really want in this negotiation? Be as specific as you can and check that your language is positive, i.e. expressing what it is that you want, not what you don't want. For example you will notice a very different internal response to saying "I really want to find a solution that works for both of us" compared to "I need to find a way of avoiding a confrontation on this one." This is due to the immediate link between our thoughts, our internal mental state and subsequent behaviour and derived from our underlying motivation pattern.

Many researchers have demonstrated the link between your emotional state and eventual results achieved. For increased personal performance the general rule is to take a positive stance on the likely result, even if that is not what you currently believe. We all have evidence for the power of beliefs in just about any situation. However, we all know that there are many things in a negotiation that are likely to be outside of our control. One of the most common causes of frustration or anger is when we feel that we are unable to have any control over what is going on.

• The colleague who explodes in a meeting for no apparent reason.

• The client who places their business elsewhere without telling you.

• The partner who goes into a sulk for days on end.

All of these are clearly symptomatic of something going on at a deeper level which may warrant closer investigation and exploration later.

Once you have begun to think about what you want from the negotiation now check that it is within your control to make happen. If it falls outside of your control, for example, "I want this client to sign this agreement" you will need to take steps to decide the bits you can control and those you can only influence. So, in the example of signing the agreement, what can you control? Some possibilities include ...

• Your states of mind as you enter the negotiation.

• Your questions and how attentively you listen to what they say in reply.

• How accurately you feed back what you have heard so far.

• The elements of the product or service you describe in detail and the ones you leave out.

• Your approach and attitude as the discussion unfolds.

• What you believe about them and how you feel about them.

The choices you make with any of these are likely to affect the other person's perception of you and therefore, your offer. Most people when asked suggest that the reason they buy from this person or that shop is because they have the particular item and it feels as if they've "bought" rather than been sold to. The challenge is for you to let go of trying to "close the sale" or "overcome the objections" and concentrate more on what is being said and not said. The reason for this does not take long to identify:

If you are on the receiving end of someone trying to close the sale, what is your response? With most of us it will be some discomfort I suggest and if, for any reason at all, you are not ready to buy, you will find many and varied ways of avoiding being pinned down. In commercial selling situations, you will surely have been told of the potential client who ""needs to report to her board first", or advises that "the budget has been withdrawn for some reason". I wonder how many of these situations are more to do with the buyer not wishing to let you down at a personal level. For me, one of the highest indicators of respect that develops in the relationship between buyers and sellers is the ability (and willingness) for both parties to be open about the fit of product or service to the need. I have now seen enough examples of the sales person realising that their particular offer is not really in the best interests of the client, then being prepared to step aside and subsequently finding that the relationship actually improves with a more significant order being placed later. However I am realistic enough to know that there are very different challenges when you are dealing with a central Procurement Centre. In these cases you will find it useful to consider other strategies, two of which include:

• Calculation of financial returns that can be anticipated from a successful implementation.

• Consideration of external precedents, benchmarks, and any other measures that will support the legitimacy of your proposal.

It will also be advantageous to return to the idea of appreciating the larger system within which your specific negotiation or discussion is taking place. Useful questions include ...

• What history (personal or professional) is may have an impact on this situation?

• What expectation do I have about future possibilities? In other words, is this purely a 'one-off' or part of a growing relationship?

• What would have to be true to constitute a real win/win/win? A win for me, a win for the specific client, and a win for the larger system within which this discussion is taking place.

• What other factors could be influencing the client? Possibilities include possible impact on market expectations, the share price, current cost-cutting initiatives, and internal perceptions of how (for example) the HR department is seen.

For those readers who live in the corporate world, where their proposals are internally rather than externally focused, you will recognise the pressures that might influence any eventual acceptance of your propositions ...

One example which looks very funny with the advantage of hindsight is the annual "rain dance" that takes place within organisations that have regular or annual budget/management fee negotiations. This applies equally to those of you who work in a subsidiary company and find that it is budget review or forecasting time again with the group or holding company. Looking back on a previous life, I wish I had a pound for every hour I have sat in meetings (often in some very desirable location around the world that you never actually see) while some corporate finance director tells me and my colleagues how we have to be able to generate more revenue, profit or contribution. This to be done while operating at even lower cost than at any point in the last ten years. The dance then takes on its own unique rhythm as we then demonstrate conclusively (to us at any rate) just how unrealistic this is. Eventually (usually at about 3pm on Sunday if it is a weekend retreat) we are told what numbers will appear in the final projections. However, if the meeting is in London with a visiting American parent it may be the closing time at Harrods that will be the determining factor for when the bottom line is finally drawn.

What a waste ... in particular, what a waste of creativity. I know for certain (because I've done it and led teams doing it) just how creative managers can be in hiding potential additional revenues or potentials for savings, knowing full well that our own forecasts (if done accurately, honestly and openly) would never gain acceptance. Bizarrely enough this can also include estimates where the numbers are actually well above what the hierarchy would anticipate. There is a challenge here:

• If you were to look in the mirror, how would you appear?

• Would you believe what you were being told if you were hearing yourself speak?

• How many managers are willing to prepare budgets or forecasts without any fat or massaging of the figures?

You will know that it can be very challenging to be open with a client if you do not have the backing of your own organisation. This also applies if you know that there is a fundamental mismatch between the espoused values in an organisation (what it says it believes) and the values in operation (what it actually does).

As a consultant I have been told of occasional meetings where the interpretation of the stock market is imagined if a specific piece of information were to appear in the public arena before the market is 'softened up'. Thus it would seem that openness in business for many is still some way off. There are a number of people now taking brave steps to make it more open however. A meeting held in London a few years ago with a small group of invited like-minded Chief Executives began to explore just how openness and spirituality will be the driving forces of business shortly. This builds on the suggestions made by many of today's leading business thinkers.

I have heard one astute observer of the business culture Sir John Whitmore say that "business is a game". He made this observation at a public workshop I was running and there was an audible intake of breath as "serious" business people had their raison d'être challenged. The more I think about this comment though, the more accurate I believe it to be. John goes on to suggest looking at the most successful sports players who have given their most impressive performance when appearing at their most relaxed. I also know that there is a zone of performance for all of us beyond the normal when it just seems to be effortless, the answers are there and the world is OK. Writers have commented that the words just appear, tennis players know where the service will land before the contact with the racket, and sales people know that this client will buy. If you take on the belief that business is a game what is the effect on you? When I have asked my clients that question I usually get replies like ...

Occasionally someone will say that they feel that their proposals will not be taken seriously enough. Another look in the mirror is suggested here, plus a challenge to the complex equivalence of "How does enjoying the game mean that you will not be taken seriously?" This usually generates a smile as they realise that perception of depth, maturity or seriousness is much more of an internal assumption, and is much less likely to be seen by others if you yourself do not see it that way. Many years ago when I had a "real job" my own greatest productivity as a leader of a sales and marketing group was when I played it as a game. I did play to win, but played to enjoy the process first and only if the other parties could enjoy themselves too. You may also consider the advantage that if you do not happen to get that particular deal or contract then the letting go and moving on to the next opportunity is that much easier. There is a fine line to draw here between just accepting that the deal has gone elsewhere and having the internal openness to feedback. You are often your own best coach, with the considerable advantage that you are always available to you. It does require some objectivity and practice and a range of questions can help you build the deeper awareness that distinguishes the excellent from the merely average.

Some different approaches may help. First you may wish to entertain the notion of "Moments of Awareness". This is a simple concept I first saw described by Rick Ross in The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook2. It has four very simple steps and has immense power especially when asked during the action itself rather than after the event.

You can also benefit from running this exercise when you are planning how to approach the potential client. In this context you can take a snapshot of the attitudes and mind-sets you may be holding about this particular opportunity or person. It is also a very useful strategy to adopt as part of your own team processes. In meetings for example as a way of keeping the meeting on track, and in presentations as a way of checking movement towards whatever the agreed objective was. You will find that as a group becomes accustomed to the Moments of Awareness approach that there will be a number of significant positive by-products. Not least of these is the movement towards openness that it encourages. This effect arises because there is an implicit agreement that it is OK for any member to intervene at any point where the meeting begins to drift. Once this has happened a few times and it is seen that there is no penalty to pay for the action it will become more habitual. As the leader in this situation you can model the desirable behaviour even further by, for example, declaring your thought processes openly at various crucial times. Others will respond favourably to this, as it is a visible demonstration of vulnerability in you. This is another example of something of which I am constantly reminded and that is that you tend to get back what you give out. This notion has great relevance to all negotiations.

So, in conclusion, I believe that the simple keys to building successful business propositions are ...

Start at the end - have a clear idea of what your final desired outcome is.

Think more systemically - develop solutions that create a win/win/win.

Be accountable for your own state of mind and well-being.

Understand that beliefs are not the truth, but they are true for the person who believes them.

For any change or proposal to be sustainable first look in the mirror and change yourself.

Change, Churchland, Watzlawick, Wheatland. Norton Publishers

The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 1994