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High Level Rapport
Purpose
To provide an outline of the main elements that lead to an increased ability to establish and maintain rapport, even in the most challenging of circumstances.
Rapport operates and is sensed at a number of different levels:
Verbal:
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- Representational system preferences - seeing, hearing or feeling words
- Unconscious Filters in language which cause us to pay attention to some things and exclude others
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Vocal Effects:
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Non-verbal Effects:
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Posture and gestures
Moving or still? Rhythm?
Breathing patterns
Use of personal space
Eye accessing cues
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Process for establishing and maintaining rapport:
Match or Mirror ----> Pace ----> Pace ----> Pace ----> Lead (Test for rapport)
Practice deliberate matching or mirroring in circumstances where the outcome does not matter. This will help you to develop unconscious competence. Possible opportunities will occur in situations like waiting rooms, airport lounges, restaurants and when travelling on the train or bus. Tips for building your competence:
- Move slowly into the matching/mirroring position and then pace them as they change
- Maintain a high degree of respect throughout
- Use peripheral vision to follow the other person's movements, e.g. breathing patterns
- Use cross-over mirroring if direct matching is inappropriate
Cross-over Mirroring
This is useful where it is inappropriate to match or mirror the precise behaviour of the other person. In these cases, for example where someone is tapping a pencil on the table, you may wish to make small movements with your fingers or feet that match the rhythm of the tapping. After a short while it is usually possible to lead the other person into an alternative behaviour pattern (eg stopping tapping!)
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